If you could write a letter to your twelve-year-old self, what would you say? We recently had opportunity to reflect on this when we were asked to write a letter of encouragement and admonition to a young lady on the occasion of her twelfth birthday. It was an interesting time to ponder the past, the present and the future, and marvel over the sanctifying grace of God.
Dear _______,
Congratulations on entering another year to spend in the Lord’s service!
You are embarking on a monumental season in your life — the season of transition from beautiful girlhood to noble womanhood. Don’t ever think that this time in your life is less important, or that the decisions you will make will have less significance, than when you begin the season of wifehood and motherhood.
We do not know you, though we wish we did, and so we write this letter as though we were writing it to our twelve-year-old selves, filling it with the admonition and encouragement that we so needed. As we write this letter we have just turned 21 and 19, but those years are fresh in our minds, as are the joys, the struggles, the spiritual victories, the failures, the moral tests, the decisions and the mistakes of those years that molded our character and made us the women that write to you today. When you are 21, what will you remember of your 12th year? What regrets do you not want to have? What victories do you want to tell your children about? What testimonies of God’s sanctifying grace will people see in you?
Your mother told us that you have a sensitive heart that loves the Lord. This is the finest quality a girl can possess. It will be your guard against the host of distractions and temptations that will arise during this season. The next few years will bring new levels of wisdom and experience and of the knowledge of good and evil, and a stronger awareness of our “crooked and perverse generation.” Two things will help you keep your heart pure and enable you to see evil with the Lord’s eyes:
· Immerse yourself in the Scriptures and pray that God will give you purity and wisdom.
· Cultivate gratitude and honor for your parents; turn your eyes to them and seek their instruction with all your heart.
“My son, keep your father’s command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; tie them around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you; when you sleep, they will keep you; and when you awake, they will speak with you. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law is a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life…” Proverbs 6:20-23
At your age, most girls become more aware of the need built into them for male affection, love and protection. You must learn to cherish the father that God gave you, as your confidant, friend, knight in shining armor, protector and guardian, and look to him to provide the security and love that you need, until the time comes that he gives you in marriage. Adore him, pray for him, ask him questions, and let him know that you are behind him in everything he does. Pray with him for your future husband.
These are establishing years. Your character is still soft and impressionable, and your mind is still tender. Use these years to establish virtuous character and good habits, and you will render yourself more useful to your Maker.
Don’t destroy your good sense by putting worthless things before your eyes (Psalm 101:3). Don’t waste your youth and corrupt your mind by allowing the wrong influences to leave permanent impressions on it. Be careful of trifles that may give you an appetite for pettiness — novels, silly friends, films that glorify immaturity, useless and unedifying conversations, daydreams and all other vanities.
One thing that will compromise your usefulness to God is a socially-debilitating self-consciousness, all too common in young ladies. We have both known what it is to be consumed with awkwardness and nervousness in public. This tendency comes from an absorbing focus on self and a fear of man. You must cultivate a greater fear of God to triumph over your fear of man, and a love of others to conquer your interest in yourself.
Twelve is not too young to develop the manners of a lady. The heart of ladylike conduct is not strict adherence to a list of social rules, but rather a genuine love of others and concern for their comfort. A true lady’s conduct transcends her age and situation. Be gracious, hospitable and interested in people of all ages, and represent your Heavenly Father with grace and nobility.
You would be blessed by pursuing relationships with older girls you have reason to respect; these friendships would likely be more fruitful and edifying than friendships only with girls your own age. Don’t let shyness stop you from initiating such friendships; as older girls, we can assure you that we and our peers would be honored and touched, and impressed, by the attention of younger girls. 1 Timothy 4:12 admonishes us, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” Some of the most edifying and God-honoring conversations we’ve ever had have been with girls your age.
As our final encouragement, don’t underestimate the influence God has given you by putting you in a godly Christian family. Your faithful service within your family is a powerful testimony that can have world-wide impact and will touch generations to come.
This is a glorious time to be a daughter.
May our wonderful Lord bless you richly and use you mightily.
Your sisters in Christ,
Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin
