Our youngest brother, Noah, has just celebrated his 13th birthday, and according to Botkin family tradition, is considered to have now joined the ranks of the Botkin Men. The age of 13 has been traditionally considered the threshold of manhood, something that we as older sisters take very seriously when prayerfully considering how to relate to our brothers.
Here is an excerpt from the speech Noah gave shortly before his birthday:
“This year I turn 13. This year I will become a man, and this is one of the great turning points of my life.
“When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)
Now that I am a man, I have to do away with childish things. I have responsibilities. I have work to do for Christ’s kingdom. My conversation must glorify God. And I must study God’s word with a new passion, and unfailingly.
“Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are {just} a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” (James 4:14)
Now that I am a man, I need to be ready to die like a man. In a Titanic-style situation, I wouldn’t get on the boats safely with the women and children. I would stay and sacrifice my life with the other men. But not only would I have to stay on board, but I would be honored to stay on board and die. And not just for the women and children, but also for my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.”
It is a fine young man who has just been added to the numbers of the men of the world.
A birthday outing at one of Noah’s favorite places, where he has come to enlarge his personal library
It is sobering to watch a roly-poly little boy grow into a man of strength and stature, a man with big ideas and a mission, a man who will someday have great influence. We both remember helping baby Noah learn to lisp out our names; recently we heard him speak out about his willingness to die for his faith in front of a crowd of hundreds.
It’s interesting to now be grown women in a houseful of grown men, for all of our brothers have now (mostly) grown up. Instead of running to us to show us their latest Lego creations, they now come to us with their latest theological hypotheses. Yesterday they were picking out tunes on the piano and learning how to type — today they are writing books, making films, starting businesses and composing music professionally. Our childhood scheming together on how to build tree forts has matured into planning for projects that will impact the nations.
The five elder Botkin brothers and sisters, sixteen years ago
In the last sixteen years, family dynamics have only gotten better. As children, we were apprehensive about becoming grown-ups, afraid that the close bonds we reveled in would dissolve as new friends and interests would draw us apart, and become replaced by cool indifference. But instead, the years and shared experiences (and shared friends and interests) have only brought us closer.
Planning a sequence for Return of the Daughters
In those years, both we and our brothers have learned a great deal about the inherent differences between men and women, and why the two need each other.
We shall presently be posting more about our thoughts on the brother-sister relationship.
This Father’s Day, we and our father would like to suggest 10 Ways a Daughter Can Bless and Honor her Father.
Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. — Eph 6:2,3
1. Be grateful for your father
Gratitude is the beginning of honor. Fill your mind with gratitude for all that your father has done for you, beginning with giving you life. Consider
all that your father sacrificed to be a father to you, and the responsibilities that weigh on his shoulders. Think of him as the man chosen by God out of all the souls on earth to be a father to you, because in His infinite wisdom, He knew that you and he would be the perfect father and daughter for each other. Study to understand how this is a peculiar blessing to you both.
2. Appreciate his strengths
All fathers, whatever their level of maturity, have strengths. Be quick to notice them, appreciate them and praise them. You may have to discipline your mind to correct old thought patterns — train yourself to think of your father’s qualities before his frailties.
3. Pray for him
All fathers also have weaknesses. When you notice your father’s frailties, think of them as things to pray about, not things that annoy you. In addition to this, you should ask your father what he would like you to pray for him. This shows your father that you are serious about helping him and that you are dedicated to seeing him become the kind of man he should be. It can also help him think about his faults and how to overcome them.
4. Be content in his protection and provision and leadership
Don’t panic if your father makes a decision you don’t agree with. Have faith in God’s ability to lead through your father, imperfect though he is,
knowing that God will bless your obedience.
You can help your father by being different from the average girl who is never content and pressures her father to give her a more “normal” life. Some fathers are afraid to lead their families into more biblical paths because of what they know would be their daughters’ response — “No, Dad, that would make us look too different, and all my friends think I’m really weird already.”
You can also help your father by letting him know that he has a daughter who wants to give and not take, and isn’t thing-hungry. Some fathers can’t focus on leading their families spiritually or on fighting the Lord’s battles because they have to work themselves to death as wage slaves to satisfy their wives and children, who are clamoring for more things.
When husbands and fathers know they can depend on their wives and daughters to be content and confident in their leadership, it gives them the confidence to be more peaceful, more visionary, more entrepreneurial, more full of faith, and more bold in their leadership.
5. Ask him to help you pray for your weaknesses
Your father isn’t the only one who’s not perfect… Let your father know that you desire his help and prayers for your character, and be humble enough to tell him what faults in particular you need help with. …and ask him what he thinks you need help with.
6. Repent and confess any sins against your father, if necessary
Think back on past interaction with your father, for either unconfessed grievances of yours, or unforgiven grievances of his. Examine yourself for any bitterness you may be harboring against him.
Many girls have lamented to us that their fathers are not involved in their lives and refuse to offer guidance. In some cases, the reason fathers become afraid to “interfere” or “intrude” in their daughters’ lives is because their leadership and guidance have been pushed away in the past. If this is your story, repentance is called for. But it’s not enough to merely repent in your heart and then expect your father to automatically reciprocate; you need to confess your error and ask him to forgive you, and then you will need to demonstrate in word and deed that you have repented, that you have given him your heart, and now seek his guidance.
7. Communicate with your father
Build the kind of relationship with your father that involves a lot of comfortable communication between the two of you. Develop habits of talking together about everything. So many problems daughters have with their fathers could have been solved by talking freely, deeply and frequently all along — by talking about issues before they become “issues.”
Go ahead and initiate the communication yourself. Our father says it is often difficult for men to know how to reach their daughters, and it’s helpful when their girls come to them with a seeking heart. As Deuteronomy 32:7 says, “Ask thy father, and he will show thee.” It’s a father’s duty to tell, but it’s our duty to ask.
8. Give your father your heart, learn his ways and delight in them
Proverbs 23:26 says, “Give me your heart, my son, and let your eyes delight in my ways.”
The heart, called “the seat of the affections,” is the source of all passions, desires, loves, interests, likes and dislikes, convictions and opinions. Our hearts and all that they contain need to be surrendered to our fathers, someday to our husbands – and ultimately to God – to be molded and directed. You don’t need to give your father a perfect heart. Give him an imperfect heart, and talk to him openly about your struggles and your weaknesses.
How do we let our eyes delight in our fathers’ ways? We should begin by wanting to really understand who our fathers are and why they do the things they do and think the things they think. Develop an interest in the things that are important to them, and the battles they are fighting.
Again — initiate. Don’t wait for your father to come down to your level — step up to his.
9. Treat your father with respect and humility even when it’s hard
No father will be consistently honorable and respectable in his daughter’s eyes. What do we do when our fathers aren’t behaving like Christians (or aren’t Christians)?
In times when you may have to make an appeal to your father, make sure your words and manner solidly reaffirm your respect and loyalty. Your father will be more likely to hear you if he knows he can trust you to honor and not defy him.
Of course all earthly authority is limited, and there are biblical grounds for disobedience to an authority who’s trying to play God. A father’s unbiblical demands may be impossible for a daughter to obey, but they do not negate her duty to be respectful and honoring. Remember the attitude of young David as he continually appealed to his insanely jealous and murderous father-in-law as “My lord the King.”
10. Remember that your relationship with your Heavenly Father is the most important thing
The ultimate goal in all our earthly relationships is to please our Eternal Father, the Father to the fatherless. Whatever kind of father the Lord has given you, remember that it is to honor the Lord that you honor him. If we love Him, we will keep His commandments — all of them — including the commands to honor our father and mother.
This is important to Him. Remember why God sent John the Baptist: “to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.“
There is a unique opportunity standing before our family right now. Doug Phillips was very kind to mention this on his blog.
As our family has been studying the history of Christendom, we see Britain featuring prominently, sometimes as the leading Christian nation in the world. The Lord has given them unique success, influence and power for the past 1000 years, using them to civilize and Christianize nations all over the world. But in more recent times many there have turned their backs on Him, and Britain is now a post-Christian society. The surviving churches there are smoldering wicks, surrounded by a secularism that belittles the Faith and Christian families in ways Americans can hardly imagine. Christianity has been marginalized to near extinction. But there is a remnant there: families who desire to turn back to the biblical model for family life, to raise up their many children to turn Great Britain back to Biblical foundations.
Homeschooling Families in Britain
With little to no biblical teaching, like-minded fellowship, encouragement, or practical advice in their own country, these families are starving for truth and good teaching, and they are asking for some outside help.
“Come Over and Help Us.”
In the last two years, we’ve received many letters asking that the Botkin family come over to speak to their nations about family life and family culture. These English, Welsh, Irish and Scottish families want to hear our family’s message of multigenerational success, and be able to ask practical questions about parenting, about sibling relationships, and how fathers turn their hearts to their children, and to hear from mature children how they work together as a family.
Our experience of living in the British culture of New Zealand for seven years gave us a real heart for the people of the U.K. We recognize our time in New Zealand as Providential, believing it makes our family uniquely suited to ministering to our British brethren.
If you would like to help make this opportunity possible, you can donate here.
Here is just a sample of the correspondence we have received in the last few days:
“Thank you so much for your book, it has been a blessing to me and I am so thankful that I read it! It has been such an encouragement for me to realise (through your book and your web-site) that although I do not necessarily know many people who share this vision, yet there are others out there who are living it out daily and God honours those who honour Him.” — Rachel
“Scotland is definitely in need to hear the message about the restoration of the Biblical family…May the Lord open a way to make that happen.” — James
“The Botkin family would bring a message to the UK that would speak to the very foundations of the nation’s heritage and shake the pillars upon which she stands. To truly call men to the age old foundations of biblical justice, morality and religion would be a call for men to remember the honor, dignity and godly character of their forefathers. It will shame the lethargy of the men of modernity and enrage the feminist agenda. It will also answer the prayers of those crying for revival. Please, Mr. Botkin, would you teach and train our family how to be key leaders in the Cultural Reformation of the UK and to the uttermost parts of the earth?” — DR
“Birmingham is quite a good spot really - just a little plug for you to consider us!” LA
“Come to [Lancashire!] The shape of Britain’s future can be seen here (unless the Christians get their act together): there’s a group here that has seized the dominion mandate with both hands, that have opened their own schools and do homeschooling, that have taken the principles of cultural distinction, modesty in dress and duty to the family seriously, that live close to one another in the terraced houses and care for their elderly in multigenerational housing units. It’s not the Christians, but the Muslim community, whose parents and grandparents were brought over from Pakistan to shore up the postwar cotton industry.” — CG
“The decline in the West is more advanced in Europe so we believe that your ministry is key to a revival of true Biblical concerns.” — Steve
“The main problem we seem to face here in the UK is the number of men who are prepared to take a stance on this from the pulpit is virtually zero. We, as a family, are thankful to ministries like yours who have helped us and others here in the UK.” — JN
“The Biblical message on family life which the Botkins live and share are what we in the United Kingdom need to hear.” — JH
“The message the Botkin family would bring to the UK would be very important. The UK has slipped even further into a post-Christian era than the US. The media will outright mock Christian initiative. The state schools have rewritten our history books. There is a deep-seated socialist agenda. It is an egalitarian society. I remember as a child my mother working as a bookeeper would calculate income tax for upper level income earners at 75% income tax. Nowhere have I seen the application of Scripture to every sphere of life other than personal piety. Feminism is of course rife. To ask a Christian man what is the condition of religion in his home is to ask a question that he no longer understands.
“There is tremendous need to shepherd and train these families in the right way. The process of discipleship of church leaders and heads of households will take generations to see men stand in the gates and lead in parliament for England’s revival.” — Father of six
“The Christian household here does not seem to know this biblically founded message of the daughters at home. It is on our heart to see this encouraging and eye-opening message to be brought to many here.” — Andreas
“We are excited about the opportunity to meet with the Botkin family and hear some of their teaching. The UK is in dire need of a spiritual reawakening and a turning back toward the biblical model of family life. The messages and testimony that the Botkins will bring will stir us as Christians, and encourage us as we seek to be salt and light in our communities.” — Liz
“It would be wonderful to have the opportunity to hear insights and wisdom from a home-educating family who have successfully raised their older children to adulthood.” — Nigel
“I have found all your materials an answer to prayer. When can you come to our city?” — David
“I would sadly have to say that the truth you espouse would be like a foreign language to most, so far have we fallen from such scriptural fundamentals. However there is a remnant and God is able to “turn the hearts of the fathers to the children”. — DW
“We need this inspiring family message!” - Beatrix
Please consider helping us spread a gospel message of family discipleship to Europe. If you want to help, or for more information about this trip, please visit this link: www.westernconservatory.org/donate.html
