We’ve received a number of great questions on our last article, “How to Think About Young Men,” and would like to post a few, with our answers, over the next few days. We were proud of the young lady who asked this question, for her thoughtfulness in taking even the relationships of her youth seriously.
How should a 14-year-old girl interact with boys? Should it be different than how a grown young woman interacts with young men, and if so, how?
We believe the principle is the same, regardless of your age or theirs: view them as brothers. Treat them respectfully, look out for their best interests, view them with charity and understanding, and do not put stumbling blocks before them.
However, when wondering who a 14-year-old girl should interact with and how, there is more to the equation than the gender factor. We know from Scripture that young people can be foolish (Proverbs 22:15). Scripture also says that “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” (Proverbs 13:20
The danger here isn’t just boy-girl relationships. It’s fool-fool relationships. There is this danger in friendships between girls, too. Yet age shouldn’t really be the basis of “discrimination” either, any more than gender. The issue is spiritual maturity.
We ought to choose our friends on the basis of their maturity (or if they’re younger, teachability) and interest in the things of God, and spend time together depending on how edifying and constructive that time can be. Proverbs 14:7 instructs us to “Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not [in him] the lips of knowledge.”
There are occasional exceptions to the following observation – but, at your age, friendships with peers will generally be less fruitful than friendships with those older and wiser than you, whom you can learn from, and those younger than you, whom you can invest in.
Age 14 is a very formative time, when most of us are developing our habits of interaction. We personally would advise you to spend as much of this season as you can around adults, especially the older women in your church. If you also have opportunities for worthwhile brother-sister interaction, by all means make the most of them! (Presupposing that you have the blessing of your parents to do so – see note at the beginning of the previous post) But also be sensitive to the weaknesses of your young brothers — and yourself — at this age of heightened self-consciousness and vulnerability.
A last word: Don’t worry about immature people viewing you as a prude, if you put these principles into practice. Remember, there are worse things to be viewed as than a prude. Like, a fool.
