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Our Egyptian Adventure
Posted October 14, 2011

Many of you may be waiting to hear an update on our newest book project… and you will… soon. But first we want to tell you about an adventurous endeavor that we undertook with our brother Isaac, and are now ready to unveil.

Navigating History: Egypt — more information here

Several months ago, Isaac (with Dad’s blessing and encouragement) conceived and developed a vision for a six-episode series about Egypt that would take viewers from the top of the mountains surrounding the Valley of the Kings into the tombs under the pyramids. His goal was to take a team with cameras to explore the darkest and most secret parts of Egypt’s history and illuminate them with the light of Scripture.

But Isaac wasn’t about to have all the fun without us. He brought us on board at the beginning to help make his vision a reality. Though we didn’t get to be on the trip this time, this was our part of the adventure: We got to help man Mission Control and the snazzy project website while he and his team were on the ground in Egypt.

Anna Sofia and the not-yet-Nadia-Botkin editing B-roll images

No, we didn’t get to have the boots-on-the-ground experience of actually being there and seeing and touching Egypt. But we were enjoying plenty of action on the home-front with our family; doing things we had never done before and had no idea how to do. For example, we had to learn Photoshop and basic HTML, and had to write briefings for the team on subjects like Islamic architecture and ancient Egyptian medicine.

Elizabeth and Nawelle hashing out website details

All of us had to work around the clock, marketing, managing the live broadcasts, writing articles and designing headers. And then, when he got home, the real work began – writing content for the 220-page companion book, on everything from biblical chronology to French mysticism to Shariah law to pagan death rituals to evolutionary history-revision to pyramid-building-theories (in which we discovered that aliens didn’t do it).

Anna Sofia does hands-on research on Egyptian heiroglyphs

We didn’t do this because we believed we had a biblical duty to submit to Isaac, or to be his junior helpmeets. We also didn’t do it because we particularly (initially) cared about proving that aliens didn’t build the pyramids. We did this because we particularly cared about Isaac. Isaac was about to take a big step, a bold risk, a fearless stand, and we didn’t want to miss that for the world! If Isaac was going to stand inside a mosque and call Muhammed a false prophet, and denounce Statism in front of the giant pillars at Karnak, we, for one, wanted to be on his home team. It was our way of saying to him, “We think what you’re doing is important – we think it’s important enough to put our money where our mouths are.” And we did it because our time of being with Isaac, and available to help him, won’t last forever.

Sending the Navigating History team off to Egypt with prayer.

It was an experience we wouldn’t have traded for anything. We discovered a whole new world of ideas and broadened our intellectual horizons. We learned that sisterly duties don’t have to be limited to domestic things, far removed from what the boys are doing. We discovered how much fun it is to be part of a man’s world, even if it means taking the plunge into finding world politics as fascinating as they do.

Multi-tasking: Elizabeth compares notes with Isaac on Islam’s view of women over dinner prep.

Most importantly, though, we became much closer to Isaac; and we helped him accomplish his dream, making big strides as a dominion man and disciplemaker.

(And we ended up having enough time left over to still be able to write our upcoming book about relationships with boys. But more news on that soon. Stay tuned!)

Coming Soon… A New Botkin Girl
Posted June 15, 2010

As the only two girls in our family, surrounded by five extremely manly brothers, we always dreamed of having another sister. On June 11th, 2010, our prayers were answered: our younger brother Benjamin became engaged to be married to Miss Audri Vernier. At 20 and 19 years of age, respectively, they are making big plans for all that they want to accomplish for the Lord during the rest of their lives together.

Ben and Audri are one of the most inspiring couples we know. Though their abundant talents have opened up many tempting opportunities to them, they’re both passionate about surrendering everything to “seek first the kingdom of God.” They’re united by a desire to lose their lives in order to find them. Ferociously devoted to the Word, they fell in love with the fear of the Lord that they saw in each other.

As we were getting to know Audri, the two things that struck Ben (and us) most deeply were her humility and fear of the Lord, which shone so brightly that they actually outshone the qualities closer to the surface — her exceptional musical talent, her mature intelligence, and her delightfully sincere personality. You can hear the moving testimony of the Lord’s work in her life in our recent documentary “Homeschool Dropouts.”

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You can hear their musical talents coming together in this “Pavanne for Cello,” composed by Ben and performed by Audri.

Join us in praising the Lord for this union!

Happy Birthday, David!
Posted June 2, 2009

We are so grateful to God for our big brother David. From the beginning, David was a rough-and-tumble manly man who had great tenderness and affection for his sisters. He always had a lot of respect for the capabilities of the female mind, and started early introducing us to the wonderful world of military history, just war theory, economics, computer technology, biblical law, jungle snafus and self-defense, and how to tie our shoes. He gave us a great appreciation for manliness and the world of men, always encouraging our participation in his adventures. We are so grateful for another year of working together, studying together, and fighting the good fight together.

David and Anna Sofia on an international trip the two of them took together.

Crossroads 09 — Conference Recap
Posted February 22, 2009

Our family is praising the Lord for a wonderful “Christians at the Crossroads” conference. 700 people came from around the country — some from as far away as Washington state and the Bronx — to join us for this symposium on family relationships in tumultuous times.

Conference HQ was the Historic Columbus Ironworks, the Confederates’ largest manufacturer of naval machinery.

One cannon still held at the Ironworks was named the “Ladies’ Defender,” cast from brass collected by the city’s women.

The most popular (and most fun) talk of the conference was a panel with all seven of us siblings on Brother-Sister Relationships.

Coordinating our remarks.

Noah, 13, brought the house down trying to think of benefits to being the youngest.

Enjoying talking with girls afterward.

Our wonderful mother, Victoria Botkin, speaking from her 28 years of experience mothering and homeschooling.

Answering questions afterward.

Luke, 15, takes a turn manning the Western Conservatory table, beside our friend Martin Selbrede, representing Chalcedon.

We steal into a back corner to work on our upcoming speech.

The title of our talk was “Dominion Oriented Femininity — Ten Attributes of a Young Dominion Woman.”

Here our brothers speak on “The Difference Between a Playground and a Battleground and Why Young Men Must Live for Spiritual Warfare.”

The little girls are often the most fun to talk to.

Another panel discussion, this time on the 5th commandment, by the five eldest Botkins.

Candid camera: Caught taking a breather as the conference draws to an end.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ
Posted July 15, 2008

How to Think About Young Men

A number of young women have asked us about relationships with young men. They want to know how a young woman should interact with those of the opposite sex, or should she at all?

Note: Every daughter should look to the guidance of her parents on this. She should know what her father (and mother) think about conversations with strangers, friends, suitors, and potential suitors. The advice in this article presupposes that your father approves of pure conversations and interaction with young men, and that our suggestions would only be applied in the situations and manner he has approved. If the thoughts below represent a different practice than what your father or elders have prescribed for you, continue to follow the direction you have been given by those in jurisdictional authority over you.

The issue of how eligible young people can interact in a pure and comfortable way has been considered by wiser and more mature minds than ours. However, we would like to submit a few thoughts as two young people currently navigating these waters ourselves, and having listened to the perspectives of many friends, both male and female, on this issue.

In this post we will be offering some collected observations from the most mature young people we know (with a heavy dose of advice from the older and married, our parents most of all).

It is generally known that Christians are supposed to interact as brothers and sisters in Christ, but during the highly-charged season of eligibility, young people in the typical church are not sure how to do this.

Even in family-integrated churches, guys and girls often don’t know how to interact comfortably as brothers and sisters. We usually see this expressed in one of two ways: either flirting and posturing, or shying demurely away from any interaction with the other sex. These two symptoms may seem opposites, but they both stem from the same root problem: a failure to think of the other as “[brothers or] sisters, with all purity” (1 Tim. 5:2)

In other words: thinking of the other sex chiefly as marriage material. This problem can be intensified by the fact that most of us don’t know what a real brother-sister relationship looks like, thus having no foundation or framework to transfer over to our spiritual brothers. Our father has always taught us that understanding the fraternal relationship can help us understand why men and women in the Body of Christ are referred to as brother and sister, and give us the wisdom to gracefully maneuver a season so (potentially) fraught with complexity.

Obviously, there must be some distinctions between how we treat family members and young people outside the family. Because this “eligibility” phase can be volatile, young people need to be extra thoughtful in how they deal with these relationships – not excessively worried about convention, but always thinking carefully about how to love the people around them, considering what is appropriate for the situation, and submitting to the guidelines set by their parents.

In this article, we will not attempt to set forth a code of conduct, or rules of “engagement” between the sexes – rules and safeguards are for your own family to determine as you seek the Scriptures. What we want to explore here is a sisterly attitude toward young men. Remember, our patterns of conduct begin in the heart and mind. We cannot treat young men as brothers until we think of them as brothers. It does not follow that we should throw propriety to the wind and embrace all young men with unconstrained sibling familiarity, but we can identify and follow many of the same principles that we do with our own brothers, without the same level of intimacy.

What does it mean to think of young men as brothers?

What principles of sisterly love are applicable to other young men?

A sister should be looking out for her brother’s best interests. Of course she doesn’t want to see him get hurt, defrauded, or painfully disappointed.

She prays for him, for his future wife and family.

She understands that he is an imperfect human being, with flaws and weaknesses that should be viewed with charity, patience and understanding.

She views him as a fellow human made in the image of God – neither more nor less.

A sister should realize that her brother will answer to God for every word he says, every thought he has, every deed he does – including in his dealings with women. This should put the fear of God into her to not want to see stumbling blocks put before him.

A sister should realize that young men are supposed to be seeking the Kingdom first (as are we! Matt. 6:23). We should not willfully distract them. Ours should be the kind of relationship that will encourage them in their focus on serving God, in their manly endeavors, rather than the kind of relationship that would feed their weaknesses and vanity. Young women can fuel or even ignite a man’s penchant for mere “interaction” – bantering, toying, dallying, trivial exchanges about nothings — a shallow (and selfish) substitute for hearty friendship and substantial conversation.

What the young men say

We have an advantage many girls would love to have – we have five brothers, who all talk openly with us about what they do and do not appreciate in the conduct of young women toward them and their friends. Our brothers have told us they find it easier to think of and treat a young lady as a sister in Christ, when she acts like a sister in Christ. Solid young men can usually discern fairly quickly whether a girl is unselfishly looking out for the best interests of her Christian brothers, or views them simply as prospective marriage material – or worse, as objects to sport with. They’re inclined to feel more comfortable around a girl who clearly has no designs or expectations, and uneasy speaking to a girl who seems focused on her eligibility, the matrimonial possibilities, the deep significance of their interaction… (Among other things, the guys can be concerned that their brotherly friendliness will be misconstrued as a mark of intention.)

According to our brothers, they appreciate it when:

A girl seems comfortable and at ease.

A girl talks to them in the same spirit that their sisters do.

A girl is a good conversationalist, well educated and with interesting things to say. (Able to speak intelligently on subjects that will be of general interest to a mixed audience – e.g., topics other than sewing, fad diets, clothes, chick flicks, themselves, etc.)

A girl has a genuine interest in the things of God, and an eagerness to speak of them and discuss them.

They do not appreciate it when:

A girl seems excessively self-conscious and distracted by the fact that AN ELIGIBLE YOUNG MAN IS TALKING TO HER!

A girl exhibits leech-like behavior – however flattering it was intended to be.

A girl is over-aggressively friendly.

A girl demonstrates a Deliberate Shunning of Young Men, complete with avoiding eye contact and hiding behind human shields.

Conclusion

Knowing how to interact with all purity is a test – parents and young people have had to deal with this throughout history, sometimes trying to solve problems through strict societal conventions and rigid codes of conduct.

Standards and rules of decorum should be regarded. The trouble is, they don’t ultimately fix the problems. Only treating the attitudes of our hearts – cultivating agape love, wisdom, thoughtfulness, and the perception and intuition to discern the need of the moment – will help us act like the sisters in Christ we should be.

Girls – consider the young men you know as the future husbands of women the Lord has already chosen. In fact, you can be praying for their wives right now (note: not match-making), and don’t forget to pray for the men themselves, that the Lord will guide and protect them in the choosing of a wife.

Try to act like a sister, not a prospect. Don’t be obsessed with your own eligibility, or theirs either, for that matter. Selfless, honest interaction with young men has the potential to edify, stimulate, educate, inspire and encourage both parties. Don’t complicate, or hinder, these friendships by playing psycho-romantic guessing games.

And finally, ladies – relax! Be joyful. Trust in the sovereignty of God. Be thankful for these opportunities for friendship with the children of God. Remember that these young men are precious souls blood-bought by Christ, and fellow soldiers in His cause. Let us build friendships that will continue long after this season of singleness is past, and into eternity.

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. — John 13:34

Supporting Our Boys Out There
Posted July 3, 2008

How to Help Our Men Fight the Real Battle (On the Home Front)

Watching our five brothers grow up has been fascinating and sobering, especially when we consider the amount of influence we have had, for good or for ill, to affect the men they have become. Scripture and history are replete with examples of women either building men up or tearing them down by how they relate to them. We personally have seen in numerous cases how much damage a sister can do to her brother’s manly confidence, his willingness to take on responsibility, and the way he views and treats women, if she is not careful. We have also heard some of the manliest young men we know speak glowingly of the positive influence from their sisters. In fact, many of these young men attest that it was their sisters’ love and support that inspired them to become responsible, bold, protective, and confident. [1]

As we look at the battle that surrounds us, we have come to believe that one of the most important things we will ever do, as daughters and sisters and wives and mothers, is to build strength into men and help make them great.

America’s war against manhood

There is a crisis facing our nation’s boys. Their masculinity is under attack. This is no longer a debate; it is a copiously documented fact, actually old news. Bold, commanding masculinity has become pathologized and penalized. We’re not just talking about the rise of metrosexuality, either; over the last century, men have been taught that their leadership is oppressive, their protection is insulting, their authority is tyranny, and their position as the head of the household is utterly illegitimate.

Feminist leader Andrea Dworkin said in her “Root Cause” speech: “Only when manhood is dead – and it will perish when ravaged femininity no longer sustains it – only then will we know what it is to be free.” [2]

Emasculating men was not a new idea, even in the ‘70’s. The cultural revolutionaries who got the foothold in American education and media in the 1930’s were primarily working toward a goal Karl Marx articulated: “to dethrone the patriarchal power in man.” [3]

Men are under constant assault from the media, re-written history books, [4] psychological studies, political correctness and many other weapons of the neo-marxists. Even entire girls’ clothing lines have sprung up to tout misandrous slogans to teach girls to ridicule boys for being boys. [5]

Can’t the nation see that this hurts boys? – it makes them ashamed of being boys, and afraid to become men. They learn that being masculine, responsible and authoritative is a social offense. And the pundits wonder why boys’ performance is plummeting; why their suicide rates are skyrocketing; why their criminal activity has been rising; why so many grow up directionless and afraid of commitment, and why so many refuse to grow up at all. [6]

We’re hearing a cry resounding from women the world over – “Where have all the real men gone?”

Note that even Andrea Dworkin (in the quote above) acknowledged the influence of women on men, and credited femininity with “sustaining” manhood. In a way, her statement was almost prophetic, for the slow, painful death of manhood (largely at the hands of women) is precisely what we are facing thirty years later.

When tempted to bemoan the fact that the men are not rising up to where we think they should be, we should seriously ask ourselves if we have been a part of the problem. Too many sisters spend their youth teaching their brothers to sit down, be quiet, stop asserting themselves, stay in their place, and take orders, only to grow up and wonder where to find a husband with guts and a backbone. The ones who pushed down their own brothers now pray fervently that somewhere out there, there were some sisters who did not do the same to theirs.

Our brothers are already up against a great deal. This man-depleted world needs them to rise above their challenges and become real men, men who can lead families, start churches, reform cultures, make disciples, lead in the gates, and act the man. Our boys need their sisters to stand beside them and help them become these men!

Our Brothers’ Keepers?

Does this place an unnecessary burden on girls, to feel responsible for how their brothers turn out?

Men will answer to God for their own actions – on Judgment Day, they will no more be able to escape responsibility for their sins than was Adam, pointing his finger at Eve and claiming it was all her fault.

And yet Jesus also said to His disciples, “It is inevitable that stumbling blocks come, but woe to him through whom they come!” (Luke 17:1, emphasis added) People are culpable if they sin, but people are also culpable if they cause someone to sin. In addition, we are guilty if we withhold good when it is in our power to give it. (Pro. 3:27)

The fact stands – people do affect and influence each other, and we should feel the weight that responsibility carries. We can make each other stumble (Rom.14,15), we can wound each others’ consciences (1 Cor. 8 ), we can edify each other (Eph. 4:29), we can win each other (Mat. 18:15), we can disciple each other (Mat. 28:19), and we can bear each others’ burdens (Gal. 6:2). [7] This gives all people responsibility in all their relationships. We should love others enough (and be mature enough) to accept this responsibility and use it to help them, rather than protest, as Cain, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

How to Support our Boys

In addition to talking extensively with our brothers about this, we’ve had long conversations with several young men about the things they appreciate in how their sisters treated them. What we’d like to do now is offer some practical advice on how sisters can encourage their brothers to be men. Here are four of the more important ways we can do this:

Demonstrate Respect. This must be begun by thinking of our brothers as men, and not despising them in our hearts.

There was a time when we withheld demonstrative respect out of a concern that it might swell our brothers’ egos. We also held back giving them our approval or letting them be right, so they would know they had not “arrived” yet. We were sure if we gave them an inch, they would walk all over us, eventually becoming swaggering chauvinists who expected admiration and deference from women as their due.

What we found was the opposite. When brothers are brushed off, they often resort to bravado and bluster to try to impress their sisters into noticing them, but the sense of responsibility that comes with actually being taken seriously tends to sober them up.

As we began trying to demonstrate respect to our brothers, they actually became more humble, more protective, affectionate and generally thoughtful of us, and, interestingly, more respectful. (We found that fighting to maintain a position of superiority did not inspire their respect, and that even little brothers have a justified disdain for high horses.)

Let them assert themselves, lead, and teach you things. As sisters it’s our natural, sinful inclination to suppress our brothers when they try to assert their leadership or authority. We want to rule over them. We want to be better. This is as bad for us as it is for them. It’s time for us to realize that we were created to help, and they were created to lead. Applying this will look different with younger brothers than older, but there will always be areas in which little boys can be trusted to “be in charge,” and you will see them flourish under the responsibility. There will also be subjects they know more about than you (e.g. dinosaurs, weaponry, computers…). Not only is it good for them to be the teacher for a change – you might actually learn something!

Talk with them. Boys are full of ideas that want to be expressed. The ideas may seem silly to you now, and not worth your time to listen to, but it’s good for them to practice thinking through and communicating their thoughts, beliefs, and plans. Our own brothers often tell us how much they appreciate having a sounding board and hearing a woman’s feedback on their developing ideas.

Repent of past wrongs. If you are guilty of pulling your brother down, or have not been as supportive as you should, you should repent, ask your brother’s forgiveness, and resolve to do better. Yes, it is hard – but it is necessary. So that one day when you look at your grown up brother, you will feel thankfulness for the way you invested in him, and not regret.

Today every corner of the globe is crying out for great men. Many women recognize this need, and foolishly try to fill it by dressing up and acting the men themselves. But America doesn’t need pseudo-men. America needs real men that are supported by real women. Those of us who have brothers need to recognize the incredible opportunity and responsibility we have been given – to invest in the lives of tomorrow’s greatest men.

Footnotes:

1. There is a fine line to walk between holding ourselves up as teachers and authorities over men (which Scripture forbids, 1 Tim. 2:12), and using our natural, God-given feminine influence on our brothers carefully and humbly. (You will also notice that in this article we are only speaking to young women, though there is certainly plenty to be said to fellows about how to be better brothers to their sisters. We’re just not the ones to say it.)

2. Andrea Dworkin. “The Root Cause,” speech, 26 Sept. 1975 at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge (published in Our Blood, ch. 9, 1976).

3. For more information on the war against men, hear our father’s lecture
“Hollywood’s Most Despised Villain.”

4. “All of history must be re-written in terms of oppression of women.” – “The Declaration of Feminism,” November 1971

5. Florida company David and Goliath began in 1999 with a line of “Boys are Smelly” T-shirts. The line became successful and new slogans were added, such as “Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them,” “Boys lie, poke them in the eye,” and “The Stupid Factory, where boys are made.” More information is available here.

Strangely, these T-shirts also come in mens’ sizes.

6. “Statistics collected over two decades show an alarming decline in the performance of America’s boys–in some respects, a virtual free fall. Boys were doing poorly in school, abusing drugs, committing violent crimes and engaging in promiscuous sex. Young males lost ground by many behavioral indicators at some point in the 1980s and ’90s: sharp plunges on some scales, long erosions on others. I was forced to confront a fact that I had secretly known all along: that teens of 30 years ago–my generation–were the leading edge of an epidemic of thugs, dolts and cads.” (“The Myth About Boys,” by David Burnett, TIME Magazine, 2007)

7. More Scriptures on our responsibilities to others:

Rom 14:21 [It is] good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor [any thing] whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.

1Cr 8:12 But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ. 1Cr 8:13 Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend.

Rom 14:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in [his] brother’s way.

Rom 15:1 We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Rom 15:2 Let every one of us please [his] neighbour for [his] good to edification.

Title image by Norman Rockwell, Advertisement for Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company, Springfield

When Brothers Become Men
Posted June 21, 2008

Our youngest brother, Noah, has just celebrated his 13th birthday, and according to Botkin family tradition, is considered to have now joined the ranks of the Botkin Men. The age of 13 has been traditionally considered the threshold of manhood, something that we as older sisters take very seriously when prayerfully considering how to relate to our brothers.

Here is an excerpt from the speech Noah gave shortly before his birthday:

“This year I turn 13. This year I will become a man, and this is one of the great turning points of my life.

“When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)

Now that I am a man, I have to do away with childish things. I have responsibilities. I have work to do for Christ’s kingdom. My conversation must glorify God. And I must study God’s word with a new passion, and unfailingly.

“Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are {just} a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” (James 4:14)

Now that I am a man, I need to be ready to die like a man. In a Titanic-style situation, I wouldn’t get on the boats safely with the women and children. I would stay and sacrifice my life with the other men. But not only would I have to stay on board, but I would be honored to stay on board and die. And not just for the women and children, but also for my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.”

It is a fine young man who has just been added to the numbers of the men of the world.

A birthday outing at one of Noah’s favorite places, where he has come to enlarge his personal library

It is sobering to watch a roly-poly little boy grow into a man of strength and stature, a man with big ideas and a mission, a man who will someday have great influence. We both remember helping baby Noah learn to lisp out our names; recently we heard him speak out about his willingness to die for his faith in front of a crowd of hundreds.

It’s interesting to now be grown women in a houseful of grown men, for all of our brothers have now (mostly) grown up. Instead of running to us to show us their latest Lego creations, they now come to us with their latest theological hypotheses. Yesterday they were picking out tunes on the piano and learning how to type — today they are writing books, making films, starting businesses and composing music professionally. Our childhood scheming together on how to build tree forts has matured into planning for projects that will impact the nations.

The five elder Botkin brothers and sisters, sixteen years ago

In the last sixteen years, family dynamics have only gotten better. As children, we were apprehensive about becoming grown-ups, afraid that the close bonds we reveled in would dissolve as new friends and interests would draw us apart, and become replaced by cool indifference. But instead, the years and shared experiences (and shared friends and interests) have only brought us closer.

Planning a sequence for Return of the Daughters

In those years, both we and our brothers have learned a great deal about the inherent differences between men and women, and why the two need each other.

We shall presently be posting more about our thoughts on the brother-sister relationship.

The preciousness of a brother
Posted November 8, 2007

Almost a year ago, Anna Sofia and I posted an article by our dear friend Jamie Billings, about the beautiful testimony of her relationship with her brother. From the beginning, we were inspired by the unusually close relationship she had with her brother, Michael, to cherish and appreciate our own brothers more.

Jamie just lost her only brother in a tragic car accident.

The Lord, according to His sovereign plan, took 19-year-old Michael Billings home November 4, 2007. Michael is in a better place, but the Billings family has just lost their precious only son. Please pray for Jamie and her whole family.

And sisters, please, please heed the words of Jamie Billings, which we are re-posting today. Make the most of your time with the precious brothers the Lord has given you. It could be your last day with them.

Am I My Brother’s Confidant?
By Jamie Billings

Sibling rivalry, according to the Bible, has plagued the family and been a source of tension and conflict from the very beginning. As we look over the pages of Scripture, it is not difficult to see where the root of this ungodliness springs. Most all sibling rivalry seems to have its foundation in jealousy, pride, selfishness, self-seeking ambition, and a lack of love.

One can easily see that Cain was jealous of Abel (Gen. 4: 2-16), and that Joseph’s brothers were unloving, as they were only interested in their own portion in life. Joseph in return was unkind and not understanding of their feelings. Jacob also had a severe selfish, covetous, and unloving spirit in his actions toward Esau (Gen. 25:29-34). Miriam and Aaron’s pride led to contention between themselves and Moses. Numbers 12:2 tells us, “And they said, Hath God indeed spoken only by Moses? Hath he not spoken also by us?” Or in other words, they demand equal rights and status with him. Given its repetitive portrayal in Scripture, the Lord must certainly hold this subject of sibling relationships to be of the utmost importance for our instruction.

Over and over again these Biblical narratives on sibling rivalry are presented, showing us that jealousy, pride, selfishness, self-seeking ambition, ungodly competitiveness and a lack of love lead to anger, resentment, and hatred. We then see that this sin, when not dealt with, will ultimately lead to a life of sorrow, bitterness, and in the end, destruction.

My point is simple: as we read these stories, we must bear in mind that they are important and that they have been divinely placed in Holy Scripture for our instruction (2 Tim. 3:16). By them our Lord teaches us that discord stems from sin in our hearts, and only when we root out that sin, can our relationships begin to heal. We must constantly compare and contrast these great men and women of old with our own relationships, learn from their examples, implement changes as necessary, and above all, learn to love even when it is hard. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.” All of these well known examples can be applied to relationships between either or both genders.

I would particularly like to address the brother-sister relationship, more specifically, one in which the sister is the somewhat older sibling, as in my own case.

It seems that as I reflect upon my own childhood, that I had a double-dose of all the afore-mentioned negative tendencies that lead toward dissension, particularly pride and self-centeredness. I felt that it was my job to protect my younger brother, and he, as the younger sibling, should heed my advice and respect my judgment unquestioningly. After all, I thought I was the smarter and more mature of the two of us. When presented with a task or problem, I would have already logically evaluated a given situation and sensibly come to the only correct solution. So, why would I need his input? I am sure one can see how this could stress any relationship, especially given the fact that my brother and I are only 18 months apart. You see, I now realize that I was unconsciously striving for a position of what one might call dominance within our relationship. I was continually discouraged because my brother, even as a young boy, possessed the inborn desire be a leader, unpolished though it was. I became inwardly angry and resentful, as I was denied that which I thought was owed to me. This led me down the path of bitterness toward my brother and created a heaviness in my soul. I had unintentionally sacrificed our relationship upon the alter of my own selfishness and pride, and consequently devastated our natural camaraderie, affection, and fidelity. It is no wonder that we grew apart, only tolerant of each other’s existence.

As I think back, I wonder if the heaviness I felt during those early years may well have been attributed to the Holy Spirit, not only convicting me of my selfishness and desire to be esteemed by my younger brother, but also, the cultivating of my heart for future lessons. One of the tools our sovereign Lord used to soften my bitter and hardened heart was this seemingly insubstantial excerpt from Noelle Goforth’s book, Daughters of Destiny. It is entitled, “The Brother’s Confidant.”

A good sister’s love always holds a cherished place in the grateful memory of the brother! Many men have found a sister’s love their ready and cheering resource. His confidence is set in her counsel and he is satisfied with the assurance that it will be uprightly and considerately given. How intimate is the friendship of such a sister! What a reliance for warning, excitement, and sympathy has each secured in each! How many are the brothers to whom, when thrown into circumstances of temptation, the thought of a sister’s love has been a constant, and holy presence, rebuking every wayward thought!

The relation of brothers and sisters forms another important element in the happy influences on the home. A boisterous or a selfish boy may try to domineer over the weaker or more dependent girl, but generally the latter exerts a softening, sweetening charm, the brother animates and heartens; the sister mollifies, tames, refines. The vine-tree and its sustaining elm are the emblems of such a relation – and by such agencies our “sons may become like plants grown up in youth, and our daughters like cornerstones polished after similitude of a temple.”

Sisters scarcely know the influence they have over their brothers. A young man once testified that the greatest proof to the truth of Christian religion was his sister’s life.

At first I was cynical. All of that flowery language seemed silly and the ideas they conveyed abstract. Me…my brother’s confidant? The thought, though still abstract, took root in my mind and I longed for that kind of a relationship. Could I really ever have any influence over my brother? I was filled with wonder and a sense of new responsibility as I read, “Sisters scarcely know the influence they have over their brothers.” As I reflected upon what I had read, my thoughts turned inward. Had I been influencing my brother for good? Would he think of me in time to come as a “ready and cheering resource,” or as a “constant, and holy presence?” But most importantly, could my brother see the “truth of Christian religion” in my life? As I pondered these things, I knew that I fell desperately short. I also knew that this was the kind of sister that I desired to be, and I purposed to change. Philippians 2:3 affirms, “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in the lowliness of mind let each esteem other better then themselves.” I learned that trying in strife never gets us anywhere in life. I made a conscious effort to put away my self-centeredness and purposed to try to look at things from my brother’s point of view, to ask his opinion, and to try to do some things his way and not just my own. I began encouraging my brother to be the leader and I refocused my efforts into supporting him in that role. I purposed to be open with him, to be there if he needed a friend to talk to, and to serve him by helping him pursue and accomplish his goals. It was really amazing. I felt like the weight had lifted from my shoulders and a fog from my eyes. Of course, our relationship did not change overnight, but I am very happy to say that it did change. Matthew 23:12 tells us, “And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that humbles himself shall be exalted.”

My brother and I are now the best of friends and each the other’s most trusted confidant. As I have watched my brother grow into such a strong and godly young man, and as God has blessed him with wisdom that surpasses his age, it is hard to even think of him as being younger. He has become to me the best of counselors and truest of friends.

I am so happy that God revealed to me the folly of my willfulness and foolish pride. My hope is that these experiences will equip me to be the virtuous wife scripture has called me to be. Dear ones, we are not always going to agree with our husbands… and they are not always going to have perfect consideration for our feelings, and yet God has called us to reverence and obedience, with “chaste conversation coupled with fear.” It is so important for us to learn now how to humble ourselves, put away our pride, and to learn to defuse a situation before it can escalate. Proverbs 13: 10 teaches us that, “Only by pride cometh contention.” How many marriages would be happier and more God-honoring if we all could simply embrace the above stated Philippians 2:3? Dear ladies, if we do not lay our pride and willfulness at the foot of the cross while we are still young, we may well carry them into our marriages. God has given us our brothers for a reason and yes, they can at times be a difficult trial, but God knows this and it is He who has willed it so. Remember Jeremiah 29:11 which proclaims, “For I know the plans I have for you; declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” May we always be grateful for our brothers and bear in mind that in many ways, these early years are the God ordained and orchestrated training grounds for our future happiness.

But this, ladies, is not the only glorious blessing that is to be gained! We as sisters can return this favor to our brothers by helping to affirm and prepare them for their future roles as leaders, and heads of their own households. When we treat our brothers like men, it can only encourage them to maturity in Christ. And you, my reader, may well be the tool that God has ordained to inspire your brother to become the man that God has created and called him to be. We need to always remember that “all things work together for good, to them who love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28).

Jamie Kathleen Billings is the daughter of Dr. & Mrs. Michael Billings. She has been Home Educated and is currently serving her family while training to be a “keeper at home.”

Duties to our Little Sisters
Posted April 20, 2007

One of the purposes of this site is to proclaim the vast opportunities for daughters at home, and the duties of daughters at home. And one of those almost frighteningly important opportunities for us is to influence and shape the upcoming generation of Christian leaders — our own brothers and sisters. Don’t miss this opportunity, girls. Don’t waste it by being impatient for Mr. Darcy to arrive and take you away. You are already in the most important battle, the battle for the home and family, right where you are. Learn to love your duty now, and prove yourself faithful with your situation, investing your time and zeal in these gifts God has given you.

Earlier we gave you an article on our relationships with our brothers. Now we are pleased to share with you an excellent article about how we can disciple our younger sisters.

Setting an Example of Faithful Daughterhood for our Younger Sisters
By Rebecca Sisk

Sisters are a great and wonderful gift from the Lord. I am so blessed to have my little sisters, Wendi and Hannah, in my life. I am considerably older than they -– 10 and 17 years, respectively—but I am thankful for that because I can have a much greater influence on them for good than had I been closer to their ages. I have come out of my “wild” years, and now stand with a hope and vision of helping my sweet sisters avoid the mistakes that I made, and to help them give their hearts completely to our father. Thankfully, neither of them will remember my rebellious days, and I hope they will only remember me as a faithful daughter whose heart is in the home.

I was not introduced to the idea of faithful daughterhood until I was around the age of fourteen, in 2002. My parents had homeschooled me and my siblings from the beginning (I am the oldest of five children), desiring that we not be educated in the filth that they had. I don’t think that they fully realized then what they were doing, or how completely they were following the leading of the Lord. Our family reached a turning point in 1999 and began to turn towards a more conservative worldview and lifestyle. I didn’t completely agree with some of the changes that we made, such as Daddy saying that our family was not going to date in order to find a life partner, but now I see that the reason for my disagreement was that I didn’t fully understand how important the changes were. Now I see how much of a help and support I could been to my father then, instead of being the selfish rebel that I was. I enjoyed listening to worldly music, flirting with boys, and was not extremely careful how I dressed. Our family has always dressed modestly, but I was pushing the limits as much as I could. I didn’t even realize what I was doing or that I was walking down a path to destruction. The Lord began to speak to me and call me to Him gently, and my rebel’s heart came back to Him and to my father. Today, looking at some of my friends that I was with during my rebel years, I have a clear picture of where I would be if God hadn’t rescued me. These girls (some of them homeschooled!) are gone from their father’s house, in and out of relationships with young men, and they have become bitter towards God without even realizing it. Feminism has such a hold on their hearts that a miracle from God is all that can save them. I am so thankful that God pulled me from this lifestyle. Some of the lessons that He had to teach me were hard, and some of the things He had to do make my heart tender again were quite painful, but it was so worth it!

Now back to the original subject: sisters. They are precious little bundles of love and joy that are a delight to have in our lives, and they have been given to us for reason. They are watching us, watching our every move, how we handle each situation that comes our way, how we respect and revere Daddy, whether we are delighted to be women of God, or whether we are discontent with where God has placed us. It is our God-given privilege to live out a life of faithfulness and holiness before them and show them the way.

“The aged women likewise, they that be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” ~Titus 2:3-5 KJV

Titus 2:3-5 is one of the most quoted passages of Scripture on the role of women. It is instructing older, married women to mentor and teach younger women to love their husbands and children, and to be keepers at home. I think that it is also applicable to young women mentoring younger girls. Many of us are the first generation of faithful daughters. We have very few role models to look to and observe how they lived in their father’s house until marriage. Our mothers are living out how a Godly wife should be, but many of our mothers weren’t raised as we are being raised. They didn’t come into the fullness of the Truth until much later in life. I know many wives that have had to completely rethink and re-prioritize everything once their eyes were opened to the truth found in God’s Word. Likewise, we must search the Scriptures and find how we should live in a manner that is pleasing to God.

For those of you who do not have sisters, you can mentor and disciple younger girls who do not have older sisters. You can do this even if you do have younger sisters.

Practical Ways to Mentor Your Little Sisters

Here are some practical ways you can have a Godly influence on your younger sisters:

~ Pray for your younger sisters. Pray that God will help them to become virtuous young ladies that love Him and are completely surrendered to Him.

~ Pray with your little sisters. Sometimes little girls need to be instructed how to pray and how to approach the throne of the Father. They need to be shown what to pray for. Wendi and I share a room, and at night we pray together. We pray for our father and mother, that God would strengthen them and give our father direction for our family, that we would do God’s will in everything. We pray for our brothers, that God would bless them and help them to become Godly men of vision, strong spiritual leaders, and that God would bless them with Proverbs 31 wives and a quiver full of arrows. We pray much the same for our future husbands: that God would multiply and increase their borders, let them be strong, visionary men of God, desire many children, that God would draw them to Him, and give them guidance for their lives. For our own selves we pray this: that we would become virtuous women of God that God would give is meek, quiet, submissive, and gentle spirits and that our hearts would belong completely to Daddy and be submitted to him in all things. We ask that God would help us to be feminine, modest and powerful through Him. We ask the Lord to help us be a blessing and encouragement to Daddy and Mama, to our brothers, that we would help them to become Godly men, and that we would be an encouragement and help to each other.

~Let them help you. We must give them opportunity to practice what we encourage them to do. Yes, the job may take longer, and the mess bigger to clean up, but one day when they are older all of the “helping” will pay off. We should show them what a joy and privilege it is to be a helper, fulfilling the role God created for us.
~Set a good example of what a godly young woman should be. Children learn by example, and can spot a hypocrite a mile away. As I said earlier, they are watching every move we make. How quick are we to lose our temper and snap at a brother, or how is our attitude towards Mom today? If we pray for, and say that we want to be Godly women, but still lose our temper and haven’t really made any outward changes, our sisters and brothers will notice. For the sake of future generations, not just our own children and grandchildren, but for our siblings’ children and grandchildren, we must be Godly and virtuous in every aspect of our lives. In considering our present actions and when thinking about an important decision that must be made, remember this: what we do today affects tomorrow. Not just ours and our children’s future and our grand children’s future, but our siblings’ and their descendants’ futures as well. Their decisions will be based, in one way or another, on what and how they saw us live out our lives before God and before them.

We must be faithful daughters, honoring and respecting our parents, being patient and loving with our siblings. When they see a true difference in our lives, it will make them desire and want it too. We must live in a way that makes them want what we have and pursue God with their whole hearts. They will be challenged to find deeper depths in God because older sister is so changed and happy. They will know it is real because they will see it lived out every day before their eyes.

Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. ~Proverbs 31:30 KJV

Rebecca Sisk is the oldest of a homeschooling family of 5 siblings. She is blessed to be able to serve her father and family at home and finds fulfillment in being a stay-at-home daughter and helpmeet-in-training.

The Remarkable Influence of Sisters on Brothers
Posted February 20, 2007

Our society revels in dragging men down. If we have brothers, we need to remember that what they really are is men-in-development, who are having a fierce war waged against them. They are under constant assault from the media, re-written history books, psychological studies, political correctness and many other weapons of the neo-marxists. Our brothers need all the help and support they can get. They will grow up to be men, and God expects many things from men, such as maturity, responsibility, leadership, courage and boldness. They will need to be the leaders, initiators, protectors, providers, prophets, priests and kings to their wives and children.

The way we treat our brothers can affect how they perceive masculinity, how they will view their wives, how they will treat their children, and what kind of stand they will take in our culture.

Will we teach our brothers that they should get used to being bossed around by women, that their opinions don’t matter, that their leadership is lousy and unwanted, that their protection is insulting and their presence is distasteful? Or do we teach them that they are created in God’s image, to be the head, to have the love, help and support of women – ours first, and then their wives’? Do we teach them that we value their opinions, respect their leadership and appreciate their protection? Do we help them become cultural leaders?

From So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin (San Antonio, Texas: The Vision Forum, Inc., 2005) from Chapter 13, Daughters, Fathers and Family Dynamics; A daughter’s influence in the home, pg 204

A dear friend of ours has seen the urgent need for sisters to encourage their brothers to be men, and has many wise observations from her own experience. She has graciously agreed to share her testimony with us below.

Am I My Brother’s Confidant?
By Jamie Billings

Sibling rivalry, according to the Bible, has plagued the family and been a source of tension and
conflict from the very beginning. As we look over the pages of Scripture, it is not difficult to see where the root of this ungodliness springs. Most all sibling rivalry seems to have its foundation in jealousy, pride, selfishness, self-seeking ambition, and a lack of love.

One can easily see that Cain was jealous of Abel (Gen. 4: 2-16), and that Joseph’s brothers were unloving, as they were only interested in their own portion in life. Joseph in return was unkind and not understanding of their feelings. Jacob also had a severe selfish, covetous, and unloving spirit in his actions toward Esau (Gen. 25:29-34). Miriam and Aaron’s pride led to contention between themselves and Moses. Numbers 12:2 tells us, “And they said, Hath God indeed spoken only by Moses? Hath he not spoken also by us?” Or in other words, they demand equal rights and status with him. Given its repetitive portrayal in Scripture, the Lord must certainly hold this subject of sibling relationships to be of the utmost importance for our instruction.

Over and over again these Biblical narratives on sibling rivalry are presented, showing us that jealousy, pride, selfishness, self-seeking ambition, ungodly competitiveness and a lack of love lead to anger, resentment, and hatred. We then see that this sin, when not dealt with, will ultimately lead to a life of sorrow, bitterness, and in the end, destruction.

My point is simple: as we read these stories, we must bear in mind that they are important and that they have been divinely placed in Holy Scripture for our instruction (2 Tim. 3:16). By them our Lord teaches us that discord stems from sin in our hearts, and only when we root out that sin, can our relationships begin to heal. We must constantly compare and contrast these great men and women of old with our own relationships, learn from their examples, implement changes as necessary, and above all, learn to love even when it is hard. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.” All of these well known examples can be applied to relationships between either or both genders.

I would particularly like to address the brother-sister relationship, more specifically, one in which the sister is the somewhat older sibling, as in my own case.

It seems that as I reflect upon my own childhood, that I had a double-dose of all the afore-mentioned negative tendencies that lead toward dissension, particularly pride and self-centeredness. I felt that it was my job to protect my younger brother, and he, as the younger sibling, should heed my advice and respect my judgment unquestioningly. After all, I thought I was the smarter and more mature of the two of us. When presented with a task or problem, I would have already logically evaluated a given situation and sensibly come to the only correct solution. So, why would I need his input? I am sure one can see how this could stress any relationship, especially given the fact that my brother and I are only 18 months apart. You see, I now realize that I was unconsciously striving for a position of what one might call dominance within our relationship. I was continually discouraged because my brother, even as a young boy, possessed the inborn desire be a leader, unpolished though it was. I became inwardly angry and resentful, as I was denied that which I thought was owed to me. This led me down the path of bitterness toward my brother and created a heaviness in my soul. I had unintentionally sacrificed our relationship upon the alter of my own selfishness and pride, and consequently devastated our natural camaraderie, affection, and fidelity. It is no wonder that we grew apart, only tolerant of each other’s existence.

As I think back, I wonder if the heaviness I felt during those early years may well have been attributed to the Holy Spirit, not only convicting me of my selfishness and desire to be esteemed by my younger brother, but also, the cultivating of my heart for future lessons. One of the tools our sovereign Lord used to soften my bitter and hardened heart was this seemingly insubstantial excerpt from Noelle Goforth’s book, Daughters of Destiny. It is entitled, “The Brother’s Confidant.”

A good sister’s love always holds a cherished place in the grateful memory of the brother! Many men have found a sister’s love their ready and cheering resource. His confidence is set in her counsel and he is satisfied with the assurance that it will be uprightly and considerately given. How intimate is the friendship of such a sister! What a reliance for warning, excitement, and sympathy has each secured in each! How many are the brothers to whom, when thrown into circumstances of temptation, the thought of a sister’s love has been a constant, and holy presence, rebuking every wayward thought!

The relation of brothers and sisters forms another important element in the happy influences on the home. A boisterous or a selfish boy may try to domineer over the weaker or more dependent girl, but generally the latter exerts a softening, sweetening charm, the brother animates and heartens; the sister mollifies, tames, refines. The vine-tree and its sustaining elm are the emblems of such a relation – and by such agencies our “sons may become like plants grown up in youth, and our daughters like cornerstones polished after similitude of a temple.”

Sisters scarcely know the influence they have over their brothers. A young man once testified that the greatest proof to the truth of Christian religion was his sister’s life.

At first I was cynical. All of that flowery language seemed silly and the ideas they conveyed abstract. Me…my brother’s confidant? The thought, though still abstract, took root in my mind and I longed for that kind of a relationship. Could I really ever have any influence over my brother? I was filled with wonder and a sense of new responsibility as I read, “Sisters scarcely know the influence they have over their brothers.” As I reflected upon what I had read, my thoughts turned inward. Had I been influencing my brother for good? Would he think of me in time to come as a “ready and cheering resource,” or as a “constant, and holy presence?” But most importantly, could my brother see the “truth of Christian religion” in my life? As I pondered these things, I knew that I fell desperately short. I also knew that this was the kind of sister that I desired to be, and I purposed to change. Philippians 2:3 affirms, “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in the lowliness of mind let each esteem other better then themselves.” I learned that trying in strife never gets us anywhere in life. I made a conscious effort to put away my self-centeredness and purposed to try to look at things from my brother’s point of view, to ask his opinion, and to try to do some things his way and not just my own. I began encouraging my brother to be the leader and I refocused my efforts into supporting him in that role. I purposed to be open with him, to be there if he needed a friend to talk to, and to serve him by helping him pursue and accomplish his goals. It was really amazing. I felt like the weight had lifted from my shoulders and a fog from my eyes. Of course, our relationship did not change overnight, but I am very happy to say that it did change. Matthew 23:12 tells us, “And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that humbles himself shall be exalted.”

My brother and I are now the best of friends and each the other’s most trusted confidant. As I have watched my brother grow into such a strong and godly young man, and as God has blessed him with wisdom that surpasses his age, it is hard to even think of him as being younger. He has become to me the best of counselors and truest of friends.

I am so happy that God revealed to me the folly of my willfulness and foolish pride. My hope is that these experiences will equip me to be the virtuous wife scripture has called me to be. Dear ones, we are not always going to agree with our husbands… and they are not always going to have perfect consideration for our feelings, and yet God has called us to reverence and obedience, with “chaste conversation coupled with fear.” It is so important for us to learn now how to humble ourselves, put away our pride, and to learn to defuse a situation before it can escalate. Proverbs 13: 10 teaches us that, “Only by pride cometh contention.” How many marriages would be happier and more God-honoring if we all could simply embrace the above stated Philippians 2:3? Dear ladies, if we do not lay our pride and willfulness at the foot of the cross while we are still young, we may well carry them into our marriages. God has given us our brothers for a reason and yes, they can at times be a difficult trial, but God knows this and it is He who has willed it so. Remember Jeremiah 29:11 which proclaims, “For I know the plans I have for you; declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” May we always be grateful for our brothers and bear in mind that in many ways, these early years are the God ordained and orchestrated training grounds for our future happiness.

But this, ladies, is not the only glorious blessing that is to be gained! We as sisters can return this favor to our brothers by helping to affirm and prepare them for their future roles as leaders, and heads of their own households. When we treat our brothers like men, it can only encourage them to maturity in Christ. And you, my reader, may well be the tool that God has ordained to inspire your brother to become the man that God has created and called him to be. We need to always remember that “all things work together for good, to them who love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28).

Jamie Kathleen Billings is the daughter of Dr. & Mrs. Michael Billings. She has been Home Educated and is currently serving her family while training to be a “keeper at home.”