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Christian Romance Novels
Posted December 14, 2006

One of the chief intentions of Visionary Daughters is that it would provide opportunities for the older women to teach the younger women, in the spirit of Titus 2. Here is a sterling and timely admonition from a married woman.

Christian Romance Novels and the Dangers Therein

By Mrs. W. A. Carbone

I decided to write about this topic because I, like millions of Christian women, love to read; but did not know enough in the past to practice discernment about what I read.

I grew up in a worldly home and attended church for social reasons (Christmas, Easter) and an occasional showing because it was the proper thing to do. My parents did instill in me a love for reading, but did not direct me on those books I should read, and those that should be left alone. So, I immersed myself in a lot of worthless trash while developing a decent vocabulary.

After coming to know Christ as my Savior, I knew that what I was reading should change, though I still loved and wanted to read. I began to read romance novels written by some popular Christian authors and thought this was alright since these women were Christians, right?

After a few years of reading these novels, I found that my marriage was not as strong or as holy as it should be because I would begin fantasize so often after reading these novels. Nothing graphic, mind you, but things like:

“Why doesn’t my husband look like that?”
“Why doesn’t my husband act like that man?”
“Why doesn’t my husband say those things?”
“Why doesn’t my husband take me to these kinds of places?”
And the list goes on.

I finally realized that Christian romance novels can be the same as the soap operas and romance novels of the world, just sprinkled liberally with scripture verses in attempt to justify the content. In fact, I will boldly say that they are the same as the soap operas and romance novels of the world, just liberally sprinkled with scripture in attempt to justify the content. Though usually not rife with explicit sex, these books will give enough fodder for the mind to wonder and wander off the course of purity and holiness (Philippians 4:8).

For single women this is dangerous. This train of thought will lead to unrealistic expectations for a spouse. For married women this is dangerous. Thoughts will cease from praising our husbands as who they are and who God made them, to -Why aren’t they more like? Why can’t he be like? Why isn’t he like? – and we find ourselves wallowing in a pool of discontent and contempt for our men instead of thankfulness and gratitude for the mate God has given us.

We must test all things, cling to what is good, abhor what is evil. (1Thess 5:21-22)

It is evil to fill our minds with such things as turn our hearts and minds away from the Lord and His will for our lives as godly women. His will is for us is to love our husbands and help them to be the men God desires them to be. We cannot love our husbands or properly prepare for the spouse He would give us when we fill our minds with unrealistic stories which breed discontent, and sometimes lust for what God has not intended for us. We cannot do our future spouse good and not evil when we develop unrealistic expectations based on the world’s view of romance and relationships.

I have stopped reading Christian romance novels and begun to study my Bible and godly literature about how to be a godly wife and mother. My marriage has improved greatly. I have a realistic view of my dear husband and clear direction from God’s word on how I should affirm, encourage, and love him as the man God has given me. I love my husband more today than when we were first married and I am thankful to the Lord for His grace in turning me away from reading novels which pollute the mind and heart.

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)

Books I have recently read and recommend:

The Holy Bible

Homemaking by J.R. Miller

Emotional Purity by Heather Arnel Paulsen

So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl (I do not agree with all things here, but it has some good advice in its pages)

Raising Maidens of Virtue by Stacy McDonald ( I am studying this with my daughter and learning at the same time!)

Patrick Henry’s Letter to His Daughter
Posted October 28, 2006

Visionary daughters can smile at the future when they pray for the future, prepare for the future, and trust in the sovereignty of God. Though this letter was written to a girl on the event of her marriage, the advice it contains will be invaluable now to any girl who hopes to help a husband someday, or desires to strengthen and support the men already in her life, whether they be fathers or brothers.

Patrick Henry to his Daughter, Annie

My Dear Daughter,

You have just entered into the state which is replete with happiness or misery. The issue depends upon that prudent, amiable, uniform conduct which wisdom and virtue so strongly recommend on the one hand, or on that imprudence which a want of reflection or passion may prompt on the other. You are allied to a man of honor, of talents, and of an open, generous disposition. You have, therefore, in your power all the essential ingredients of that system of conduct which you ought invariably to pursue if you will now see clearly the path from which you will resolve never to deviate. Our conduct is often the result of whim or caprice-often such as will give us many a pang, unless we see beforehand what is always the most praiseworthy, and the most essential to happiness. The first maxim which you should impress upon your mind is never to control your husband, by opposition, by displeasure, or any other work of anger. A man of sense, of prudence, of warm feelings, cannot, and will not, bear an opposition of any kind which is attended with an angry look or expression. The current of his affection is suddenly stopped; his attachment is weakened, he begins to feel mortification the most pungent; he is belittled in his own eyes; and be assured that the wife who once excites those sentiments in the breast of a husband will never regain the high ground which she might and ought to have retained. When he marries her, if he be a good man, he expects from her smiles, not frowns; he expects to find her one who is not to control him-not to take from him the freedom of acting as his own judgment shall direct, but one who will place such confidence in him as to believe that his prudence is his best guide. Little things that in reality are mere trifles in themselves often produce bickering and even quarrels. Never permit them to be a subject of dispute; yield them with pleasure, with a smile of affection. Be assured, one difference outweighs them all a thousand, or ten thousand times. A difference with your husband ought to be considered as the greatest calamity-as one that is to be studiously guarded against; it is a demon which must never be permitted to enter a habitation where all should be peace, unimpaired confidence, and heartfelt affection. Besides what can a woman gain by her opposition or her indifference? Nothing! But she loses everything; she loses her husband’s respect for her virtues, she loses his love, and with that, all prospect of future happiness. She creates her own misery, and then utters idle and silly complaints, but utters them all in vain. The love of a husband can be retained only by the high opinion which he entertains his wife’s goodness of heart, of her amiable disposition, of the sweetness of her temper, of her prudence, of her devotion to him. Let nothing upon any occasion ever lessen that opinion. On the contrary, it should augment every day; he should have much more reason to admire her for those excellent qualities which will cast lustre over a virtuous woman whose personal attractions are no more. Cultivate your mind by the perusal of books which instruct while they amuse. Do not devote much of your time to novels, history, geography…poetry, moral essays, biography, travels, sermons, and other well written religious productions will not fail to enlarge your understanding, to render you a more agreeable companion, and to exalt your virtue. Mutual politeness between the most intimate friends is essential to that harmony which should never be broken or interrupted. How important, then, it is between man and wife!… I will add that matrimonial happiness does not to be found in wealth, but in minds properly tempered and united to our respective situations. Competency is necessary. All beyond that is ideal. In the management of your domestic concerns let prudence and wise economy prevail. Let neatness, order and judgment be seen in all your different departments. Unite liberality with a just frugality; always reserve something for the hand of charity; and never let your door be closed to the voice of suffering humanity”.

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